When I sent an email to my team at work telling them I'd be out of the office for a dorky reason which I'd talk to them about offline, I immediately had six people at my desk.
Come on, dork. You can't just put that in an email and then *not* tell us. Freak.
But then when I told them I was going to an heirloom seed expo, the looks went from anticipated awe to confusion and not a few raised eyebrows.
Apparently I'm the only one around here growing things from seed. Or interested in food not created in a test tube. Or keeping bees. Or not buying plastic wrapped tomatoes at Costco. Or hungry for a really good grilled cheese sando with local Gruyere, heirloom tomatoes and a mixed green salad with freshly pressed Gravenstein apple juice on the side.
|I could eat this again right now. Like, five times.|
WEIRD I KNOW.
But whatever. These are the same people who ooh and ahhh satisfyingly when I bring tomatoes into the office, so I forgive them for their name-calling. I mean, I barely ever punch any of them.
Though I have punched at least one of them.
But she deserved it. And, strangely, I'm pretty sure she liked it.
Who's the freak now?
And then...I went to the Heirloom Exposition and took pictures of squash.
People - they don't fuck around with squash at this thing.
|We get it. You have a lot of squash.|
|We get it. Your squash are big.|
|We get it. Your squash wear hats made of squash.|
|We get it. Your squash are so plentiful, they don't all fit on the table.|
|We get it. Your squash look like they have a communicable disease.|
|We get it. Your squash look adorable in a big metal basket that's probably a plow of some kind.|
|We get it. Your squash need sunscreen.|
|We get it. Your squash need a shot of penicillin.|
|We get it. Your squash could take me in a fight.|
|Also, won't this make a nice holiday card? I think so.|
|These grey/blue squash (which *may* be Hubbards, but I don't really know for sure) are just lovely. And freaky.|
|You get the picture now, right? LOTS OF SQUASH.|
|Lots of HUGE squash.|
|Also known as Biggest Pumpkin EVAR.|
And, really, this thing was about tomatoes about as much as it was about squash. Though without the pointy tower, which I understand. Can you imagine? Messy. OR - with the right application of olive oil and buffalo mozzarella - delicious. But still messy.
Anyway - there were tomatoes aplenty for my hungry eyes to ogle.
|Learned a new thing at the expo - big tomatoes go stem side down.|
|So that their juicy fatness doesn't smash their pretty asses.|
|Notice here - lots of buttside up-ness.|
|Though, who knows which is the butt side on this alien being masquerading as a tomato.|
|The tomato has a boner. I'm not even going to make any other inappropriate observations here. I can't do everything for you people.|
|One of so many tables of ONE MILLION TOMATOES. Buttside up.|
|They even made a little rainbow from the cherry varieties, which is ridiculously cute. Even though I'm sure I'm supposed to make a comment more meaningful than that.|
|What these guys are trying to say is: We grow a lot of tomatoes.|
|Tomato boner! Good times.|
|Wait...is that a pepper? Rip off.|
|Winner of the Biggest Tomato ribbon. Because it's big. The biggest even.|
|Probably the prettiest tomato at the show. Though it had not yet been ribboned because some people are assholes and don't do what I say.|
Not vegetables! you say? Yeah. Pigs, goats, cows, turkeys, chickens, sheep...all heirloom varieties.
|Heirloom hens with heirloom bandannas.|
|This was, from my recollection, an heirloom Shetland ram|
|An heirloom egg of some kind though IT'S HARD TO TELL WHEN SOME RUDE KID SHOVES HIS FOOL HEAD IN THERE.|
|Heirloom sheeps' wool.|
|And fleeces. Don't forget the fleeces.|
|Nuzzling heirloom cows of some variety I didn't note. Who DOESN'T love that?|
|Hello, lovelies. These were purported to be docile and good milk producers. I did not buy one because I want to stay married to Bubba.|
|Just try and tell me that this isn't the prettiest cow you've ever seen. JUST TRY.|
|Rumpless chicken. Seriously. It's a thing. A funny, funny thing.|
|This is the Best. Dog. In. The. World. Around hundreds of chickens and turkeys and no reaction whatsoever. I didn't know dogs like this existed.|
|Probably my favorite display of the whole thing. Even though the sign next to it said that keeping eggs in a basket is the worst way to store them. I think the irony added to my enjoyment. As did the funktastic handwriting.|
So, yeah - I went to the Heirloom Expo, ate some fabulous all natural and local foods, listened to some farmers talk about the evils of GMOs and Round-up, ogled some cute heirloom piglet buns, tomatoes, squash and bees and then I sat on this pumpkin and pretended I was five.
|MOM! Take my picture!|
|Me - at about 5.|
|Bubba - at about 5.|
Our appreciation for heirlooms goes back a long ways.