It would be 100% impossible for my Sears Repair(ahem)man to have done a worse job "repairing" my oven and micro. And it would be wholly unfathomable to imagine a way that Sears' repair service, in general, could be more ineffective without actually burning my house down and handing me the bill.
There, I said it and it's out there. I no longer maintain the blind loyalty to Sears built from childhood memories of fully functioning Kenmore appliances that I did until this situation presented itself. I just don't.
I will say, however, that my oven and microwave have now been restored to their normal, nearly new, functioning state -which is a thing of great beauty since I've spent the last three weeks braving the ever-snapping jaws of the handle-free oven door so that Bubba and I could eat a few decent baked meals.
But to get back to my cathartic ranting, and to entertain you with the jackassery that is Sears in "repair" mode, allow me to recount for you some of the highlights of my early morning (since when does an 8-12N window show up at 8am on the dot?) appliance repair:
- The oven handle was "repaired" initially by installing it upside down. Yes, even though the warming drawer immediately below the oven door has the exact same handle which was obviously installed with the right side up and right there for reference.
When he got all excited and called me away from my laptop to inspect his work I had to let him down easy by pointing to the handle and asking him patiently to, "...please go ahead and reinstall this properly as demonstrated by the handle on the warming drawer? ThanksIwillbeintheofficewhenyouaredonefuckingaround."
- I was informed, with much puppy dog-like excitement, that the microwave light bulbs that the previous technician ordered for me were, in fact, the incorrect wattage and that he, Mr. Great Sears Repairman To The Rescue, had gone ahead and ordered the correct bulbs that would be shipped to me At No Extra Charge, as though that were some great favor or reassurance.
It was at this moment that I realized he was referring to the exterior light bulb (shines down on the oven below) rather than the interior light bulb (lights up my popcorn to make sure it doesn't blow up) which was the bulb which was actually broken and which the previous Not As Retarded As This Maniac Was Making Him Out To Be repairman had ordered.
So, yes, today's repairman was informing me that my light bulbs were wrong when, in fact, it was he who was wrong and trying to jam a the wrong sized bulb into the wrong socket. This was another tender moment which I handled by barely rolling my eyes and just saying, "No, the exterior light is fine. It works. See...," *turning light on and off for effect*, "it is the light INSIDE the oven that needs a new bulb. See..." *opening and closing door for effect*.
And before you get all, "Why didn't you just put in the new light bulb yourself, lazy ass." I will tell you that I considered it, but chose to act on pure principle because of my Inner Rage and Contempt for Sears.
But, can we all just go ahead and say it together, for fun; dude wasn't the brightest bulb in the box.
- Also, finally, he scuffed the ever loving HELL out of my floors with his black rubber soled retard boots. That's it. I just thought it was stupid that they don't have a rule about appliance repair people wearing non-marking soled shoes since they spend all day long traipsing in and out of people's houses where there might be a floor made of a surface other than sparkly garage floor epoxy. My house is not a fucking auto shop, folks - we can stop acting like it is.
And, no, he didn't notice this or offer to clean it up. So I got to spend ten minutes on my hands and knees thanking the good lord for inventing the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser so that I didn't have to spend the rest of my day hunting this bastard down with a crossbow and a floor mop that I do not own.
Unless, of course, another appliance breaks and I'm forced to activate another Sears warranty. In which case, I will resume my ranting with equal or greater enthusiasm.