Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Luscious fruits

All of my gardening efforts, including those which don't remotely relate to vegetables, are tied directly to my ongoing obsession with The First Tomato of the Season (aka Big Garden Moment of the Year).

No matter what I'm doing; ripping out the dregs of pumpkin vines, turning in compost, scooping poop from the sidewalk patch, rudely pruning everything, sowing seeds, etc - all the while I'm thinking, "Tomatoes soon. When will the tomatoes be ready? How long until tomatoes? Do you see any tomatoes? Are the plants sprouting? Was that an aphid?! BUBBA! Bring my soapy water sprayer! There is an aphid near the tomato bed! AAAAAAACH! Yes. I know it's January and there aren't any tomato plants. HURRY!"

The line between hobby and paralyzing obsession is pretty fine around here. Good thing the first tomato of the season has arrived so I can stop freaking out for a minute.

I have been hopping around poking the tomato hedge waiting for one of those millions of green tomatoes to get off its lazy ass and ripen already. To my surprise (and radiant validation), poking and staring at tomatoes appears to ripen them - eventually.

I mean, last week I had a hedge full of green tomatoes and a very angry pointing finger and now I have a hedge full of red tomatoes and a weakened finger on restraining order. Proof positive that Crazy can be a useful gardening tool.

Anyway - the tomatoes have arrived and life is now great and I also have a very big pumpkin growing in what was the cantaloupe and strawberry bed.

You can get an idea of its Big by seeing how little that tomato looks perched on top there. Allegedly these Big Max pumpkins can get to 100 lbs or more. And had I not believed it before, I might now, since I'm sure this thing is getting close to 35 lbs right now and it's only July.

Bubba is going to build it a cart so that I can pull it up and down the street and taunt the pantsless neighborhood kids with its monstrous awesomeness. At first, when the plant was growing at breakneck pace and putting out new fruits on an hourly basis, there was a brief and passing moment when I imagined inviting over the same mongrel children to tippy toe through the pumpkin patch in late October and choose their very own pumpkin because wouldn't that be so cute and nice of me.

But, I think you know that that moment passed. Since now the mighty large pumpkin you see here has sucked the life out of the entire plant and rendered all those little forming pumpkins useless and raisin-y AND because I don't practice the activity of inviting children into my living space.

It would also seem that my tomato Crazy consumes so much energy that my brain is rendered useless and unable to keep straight certain uncompromisable facts like my inability to cope with children.

For those of you within driving distance: any anonymous bags of tomatoes that show up on your desk/doorstep are not from me, I don't know what you're referring to and I'll ask you to stay out of my personal affairs.


  1. There is nothing better than home-grown tomatoes. It looks yummy. Enjoy.

    (And that giant pumpkin? I can't wait to see the progress on that baby.)

  2. yummmm, I smell spaghetti!

  3. That tomato looks divine! And boy, are you gonna have fun come Halloween.

  4. It sounds like you have your real glow going in the garden and are promoting fertility of the green thumb kind!!!
    great job!!

  5. Man you crack me up. I love that you are going to taunt the neighborhood kids with your pumpkins. But beware! They'll be wise that behind your sweet little house must reside an adorable and fertile garden they can raid when you are at work and they are running around pantless (and one must assume, without supervision.)

    That said, come for a visit in October. I want one of those pumpkins!! :)

  6. An anonymous neighbor dropped a bag of tomatoes off on our porch the other day - no idea who it was! They probably didn't realize we're also facing the Great Tomato Invasion of 2007 :)

    ps The pumpkin is amazing!

  7. Nice how the first ripe tomato can make you forget for a while all that's wrong in the world! Yay for ripe tomatoes!

  8. I'm not within easy driving distance from you (I live in Tucson) but, if you happen to cruise through here, a mysterious bag of tomatoes appearing on my doorstep would be ever so appreciated.

    So, what's on for August's In Stitches Sew-Along project?

  9. mark my words: the pantless bandits (read:kids) will carve that pumpkin and turn it into a playhouse by october if you ignore them. if you show them the pumpkin(s), they will get bored with them and continue screaming in the sidewalk/driveway. i'll check back november 1...


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

So, here's the thing with commenting, unless you have an email address associated with your own profile, your comment will still post, but I won't have an email address with which to reply to you personally.

Sucks, right?

Anyway, to remedy this, I usually come back to my posts and post replies in the comment field with you.

But, if you ever want to email me directly to talk about pumpkins or shoes or what it's like to spend a good part of your day Swiffering - shoot me an email to finnyknitsATgmailDOTcom.