All of my gardening efforts, including those which don't remotely relate to vegetables, are tied directly to my ongoing obsession with The First Tomato of the Season (aka Big Garden Moment of the Year).
No matter what I'm doing; ripping out the dregs of pumpkin vines, turning in compost, scooping poop from the sidewalk patch, rudely pruning everything, sowing seeds, etc - all the while I'm thinking, "Tomatoes soon. When will the tomatoes be ready? How long until tomatoes? Do you see any tomatoes? Are the plants sprouting? Was that an aphid?! BUBBA! Bring my soapy water sprayer! There is an aphid near the tomato bed! AAAAAAACH! Yes. I know it's January and there aren't any tomato plants. HURRY!"
The line between hobby and paralyzing obsession is pretty fine around here. Good thing the first tomato of the season has arrived so I can stop freaking out for a minute.
I have been hopping around poking the tomato hedge waiting for one of those millions of green tomatoes to get off its lazy ass and ripen already. To my surprise (and radiant validation), poking and staring at tomatoes appears to ripen them - eventually.
I mean, last week I had a hedge full of green tomatoes and a very angry pointing finger and now I have a hedge full of red tomatoes and a weakened finger on restraining order. Proof positive that Crazy can be a useful gardening tool.
Anyway - the tomatoes have arrived and life is now great and I also have a very big pumpkin growing in what was the cantaloupe and strawberry bed.
You can get an idea of its Big by seeing how little that tomato looks perched on top there. Allegedly these Big Max pumpkins can get to 100 lbs or more. And had I not believed it before, I might now, since I'm sure this thing is getting close to 35 lbs right now and it's only July.
Bubba is going to build it a cart so that I can pull it up and down the street and taunt the pantsless neighborhood kids with its monstrous awesomeness. At first, when the plant was growing at breakneck pace and putting out new fruits on an hourly basis, there was a brief and passing moment when I imagined inviting over the same mongrel children to tippy toe through the pumpkin patch in late October and choose their very own pumpkin because wouldn't that be so cute and nice of me.
But, I think you know that that moment passed. Since now the mighty large pumpkin you see here has sucked the life out of the entire plant and rendered all those little forming pumpkins useless and raisin-y AND because I don't practice the activity of inviting children into my living space.
It would also seem that my tomato Crazy consumes so much energy that my brain is rendered useless and unable to keep straight certain uncompromisable facts like my inability to cope with children.
For those of you within driving distance: any anonymous bags of tomatoes that show up on your desk/doorstep are not from me, I don't know what you're referring to and I'll ask you to stay out of my personal affairs.